In your arms, Kanda
by Akiyama Shiori
Summary: After coming back from a mission, Kanda notices Allen's strange behavior whenever he's around. There's something in Allen's eyes, emotion Kanda can't understand and when he suspects what it is, he refuses to accept it. But it's not only Allen who act differently then usual. Something in Kanda starts to awaken as well. Emotion, that he has, long time ago, forgotten.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note: Hey, guys! I'm back to writing! :D I had exams for the past two months and they are finally over, so I have some time to write. Unfortunately, I failed two out of six, so I still have to study, but I have more time and less to learn.**

 **Anyhow, I'm really into Yullen, since I finally finished the first season and the second season started, so I'm really into it. Since I didn't write for so long, my skills are a bit rusty now and maybe it is all over the place, but I really wanted to get back to writing so bare with me, until I get back in shape. This one will be a multi chapter fiction, since I didn't want to put everything in one chapter. I'm also working on another Yullen fan fiction, I don't really know when it'll be up. As for this one chapter, it is short, nothing much happens. I want to develop the story slowly and try not to rush it as I tend to do. I'm planning to upload at least one a week, maybe twice, depending how much time to write I will have. :)**

 **Apologies for any grammar or spelling mistakes.**

 **Warning: This is yaoi, which means boyxboy. If you don't like it, please, don't read it!**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own -man, nor any of the characters, Katsura Hoshino does.**

 **'Inner thoughts'**

 _Flash back, talking in dreams_

 **I hope you'll enjoy reading and that you'll like it! :D  
**

 **Love, Shiori**

* * *

Allen was walking through the hallways towards his room. He had just returned from his mission and he was extremely exhausted. He had just ate and now, everything that he wanted to do was to go to bed, sleep and rest. As he was passing by Kanda's room he slowed down his pace. Kanda was on a mission with him, but he got injured.

 **'I wonder if he is back from the infirmary, if he is okay now?'** , Allen wondered. **'Maybe I should go and check up on him. No! No way! I'm not going to check up on that idiot!'** , he shook his head.

"What the hell are you doing in front of my room, stupid Moyashi?", asked the voice behind him.

Allen snapped from his train of thoughts and turned around to look at the person behind him. Kanda was standing, with arms crossed over his chest and was looking at him with annoyed glance.

"My name is Allen, Bakanda! Get that in your brain, if you have any!", Allen retorted.

Kanda frowned, now really agitated.

"Some words you spoke there. I see you have a death wish.", he spoke threateningly.

"Whatever. I was just going to my room."

With those words, Allen walked away, leaving fuming Kanda behind him.

"What an idiot!", Kanda said out loud and walked into his room.

He hissed, when the pain shot through his injured arm. The good thing was that Kanda's wounds would heal faster than a normal human's wounds. He was exhausted and sleepy. Kanda was angry at himself for not paying enough attention and getting hurt. Why did he had to look at Moyashi and jump to help when he was in trouble. No, that had no meaning. He did it on the whim, because it had to be done. Akumas had to be slayed. With that thought, he lied down on his bed and closed his eyes, letting himself to fall asleep. That was what he needed now.

Allen rushed into his room, slamming the door behind him. Why is it that Kanda manages to make him angry so much, in just a matter of seconds? He was worried for him, even thinking about paying him a visit to see if he was okay, since he did hurt his arm pretty badly and this is how he acts. Remembering the last fight, he suddenly came to realization. Kanda wouldn't get hurt if he didn't try to help him. It was Allen's fault. If he had only payed more attention and wasn't so reckless, Kanda wouldn't have to interfere.

 **'No, it's his own fault. I didn't ask for his help.'** , Allen tried to convince himself.

He took of his day clothes and changed into the ones he was sleeping in. Crawling back in the bed, he pulled the covers up to his chin.  
Allen remembered that in all his anger that Kanda awakened in him, he didn't even asked him if his arm was alright now.

 **'I'll ask him tomorrow. Or I'll see it tomorrow.'**

Allen's eyelids were heavy and it was hard for him to keep them open. As soon as he let his eyes close, the sleep crept in and he fell asleep.

xxxxxxx

Allen woke up early the next morning. He was hoping to sleep in a little bit, but he wasn't that lucky. Getting up from his bed, he got up and changed his clothes. His arms were shaking which was unusual for him. He lifted them and touched his face, noticing that it was wet.

 **'Did I cry?'**

Then, he remembered the nightmare he had. It all made sense now, him shaking and crying. In his dreams, they were all dead. The level V Akuma appeared and attacked the Black Order, just like level IV. This time, not even Marshals could help. They were all fighting to the best of their abilities, but it was futile. Allen saw his friends die, one by one, in front of his eyes. No matter how hard he tried to protect them, how hard he fought, he didn't manage to kill it, he wasn't able to save them. The first one to fall was Lavi, then Lenalee, then Bookman and then Kanda.

 **'Kanda.'**

His tears started to flow again, remembering the samurai's arms being cut off and then, getting stabbed through the heart. Kanda was shouting at him to run away, but the only thing that was on his mind at that moment was that he can't let him die. He felt immense pain when Lavi and Lenalee died. He didn't know why, but seeing Kanda die was even more painful, he felt like his heart has been ripped out of his chest. Akuma pulled out his weapon from Kanda's chest and he started to fall. Before he hit the ground, Allen caught him and started to run away with samurai in his hands. _"Stupid, Moyashi, I told you_ _to run away."_ , Kanda managed to say before his eyes closed forever.

That's when Allen woke up.

"That's just a dream. That's just a dream. That's just a dream.", Allen repeated out loud.

"Yes, that was just a dream. I will never let that happen. I can't let that happen. I need to calm down."

His stomach growled. Allen was still a bit shaken up, because his dream seemed too real, but he had to get some food in his system. He got up from his bad and started walking towards the dinning room. Opening the large door to the dinning room, he walked in and went to the counter to order his food. Allen looked around, feeling huge relief when he saw Lavi and Lenalee sitting together, chatting with smile on their faces.

 **'They are fine. I really need to calm down. It was just a nightmare, get that in your head Allen. Forget about it already.'**

Jerry informed him that his food would be ready in a few minutes. Allen looked around once more. It made his heart warm to see all of his comrades and friends there. They were his family now. Then it hit him. One person was missing.

 **'Where is Kanda?'**

A fear filled his whole being once again. Allen rushed out of the dinning room, running towards the infirmary.

"Kanda!", he yenked the door open, startling the nurse.

"What the hell are you doing, Moyashi?"

Kanda was sitting in the chair, annoyed, while nurse checked his wounds.

"Allen, you can't just barge in here just like that!"

"Kanda, you're alright.", Allen let out a sigh of relief.

Kanda looked at him shocked.

"Why wouldn't I be alright? I don't need you to get worried over me."

"I'm not worried."

"Yeah. Right.", Kanda wasn't convinced.

 **'What got over him? He didn't really think that this small injury would get me. Tch.'**

"How's your hand?", Allen asked him.

"Get out, Moyashi. You're annoying.", Kanda turned his head away from him.

 **'Why is he acting this way?'**

"It's Allen, you idiot! You can at least answer."

"My arm's fine. Now go. Why do you care?"

"I don't.", Allen closed the door and walked away, back to the dinning room.

Both Kanda and the nurse didn't know what to think of Allen's behavior.  
'Does he even realize how contradicting he is?'

"He's definitely gone mad.", Kanda stated.

Nurse didn't say anything to that, she unbandaged his arm, seeing that the wound almost healed.

"Kanda, your injury's almost gone and seems fine.", she told him.

"I can see that much.", he got up from the chair and walked out of the infirmary.

He still didn't eat breakfast so he headed to the dinning room. Kanda knew that white head always worried about others more than about himself, but there was something else in his eyes, when he entered the infirmary. There was a fear, a huge fear, then such a relief and then something that he couldn't explain. If samurai was more familiar with all the emotions and feelings, he would say that what he saw was love. The way Allen looked at him when he called his name, when they were bickering at each other, he couldn't find a real anger, that you would expect to find when you're arguing with some. Allen's eyes were always soft and caring, even when they threw insults at each other and he couldn't understand why it was like that. To him that was a mystery. Kanda wished for those questions and thoughts to go away, but they just kept appearing and every day, he had more questions and no answer. Navy haired exorcist wasn't sure if he really wanted to get an answer or not, so he strained himself from asking.

Samurai walked in to the dinning room, going to the counter and ordering soba as always. As he was walking towards his usual seat, he noticed the piles of food and soon after a white head popped up between them, startling him a bit. Kanda was expecting Allen to frown or give him his stupid smile that he always wore, but he didn't. Allen just looked at him, with that same emotion in his eyes, before averting his gaze and going back to eating his food. Navy haired exorcist still stood in his place, confusedly looking at Allen's table. He got a strange feeling in his stomach and chest, that he's never felt before. It was scary. Why was this happening to him? What was the younger boy doing to him?

 **'What is wrong with him? What is wrong with me?'**

Kanda shook his head, going to his table.

 **'Stupid Moyashi!'**

* * *

 **End note: Thank you so much for reading, I hope you liked it! :D  
**


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's note: Hello, guys! Here's the second chapter to the story. :) Honestly, I had this chapter written since Sunday, but I was really unhappy with how it turned out, so I didn't upload it. I went ahead and changed some things. I'm still not completely happy with it, but I think it is better than what I wrote the first time. I hope I didn't disappoint you. I don't know what else to say about it, except that I hope you'll like it. :) I got a writer's block in the middle of the writing and then I was listening the song from Kerrie Roberts called Rescue me, which inspired this chapter. Also, thank you for reviewing, following and favoring this story! :)**

 **As always, apologies for any grammar or spelling mistakes and if the characters are a bit OOC.**

 **Warning: This is yaoi, which means boyxboy. If you don't like it, please, don't read it!**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own -man, nor any of the characters, Hoshino Katsura does.**

 **I hope you'll enjoy reading and that you'll like it! :)**

 **Love, Shiori**

* * *

Kanda finished his meal quickly, stealing glances at white haired exorcist from time to time. Whenever he looked at him, he was expecting to see him looking at him as well, but he didn't. Allen didn't pay attention to him. Or so it seemed to Kanda. Unbeknowst to him, Allen was also watching him from the corner of his eye. He didn't want to get caught, so he was trying to be as subtle as possible. Once the samurai stood up and walked to the counter to leave his trey, Allen allowed himself to really look at him. While he ate, he could feel the older boy's eyes on him and he restrain himself from turning around and asking him why he was watching him. He knew that he wouldn't be getting an answer even if he asked, so he kept quiet and pretended that he didn't see anything.

'Maybe I went overboard in the infirmary. I shouldn't have went in like that and started asking him all those questions. But why can't we have a normal conversation? Why is it that we always end up fighting? We are a complete opposites, but why am I the only one who's trying to make our relationship better, if we even have one? Does he really hate me as much as he claims?'

Letting out a sigh, he stood up. He didn't even bother to return now empty dishes, he just went to his room. Picking up his toothbrush, towel and clean clothes, he headed to the bathroom to take a shower. Upon entering, he saw the last person he wanted to see now. The whole point of this was to get away from him.

Kanda was brushing his teeth, at first not noticing the younger boy. His hair was damp and was falling down his bare back, indicating that he had just taken a shower. Allen tried not to stare at him and moved towards the empty cabin, opening the cabin door. He was just about to enter, when Kanda spoke to him.

"Oi, Moyashi?", the samurai was looking at him, seriously.

"What?", the white haired exorcist tried to hide his surprise. He wasn't really expecting Kanda to say anything.

"What is wrong?"

 **'What does he mean?'**

"Nothing. Everything's fine. Why?", Allen asked him.

"Don't lie. Something's going on. You're not really yourself."

"I am. I don't know why you would think differently.", Allen was even more confused now.

"Because that's obvious. You might be yourself in front of everybody else, but why are you looking at me like that?", Kanda was persistent.

"Kanda, I just want to take a shower. Just drop it. I don't understand you at all.", the white head let out heavy sigh, walking into the shower cabin.

Before he could close the door, Kanda kicked them with his leg almost breaking them.

"You are fucking dreaming if you think I'm going to just drop it!", his voice was pure anger.

"What the fuck are you doing, Bakanda! Get out!", Allen shouted at him, trying to push him out.

Samurai grabbed his arms and slammed him into the wall of the shower.

"You think it's fucking funny to do what you're doing to people?!"

 **'What is he talking about?'**

"What am I doing?"

"Stop playing innocent, idiot! The way you looked at me during the mission and now, that's not how you used to look at me before! I don't need that softness, or you to care about me, I don't even fucking need you to look at me at all! And you're so contradicting! What's with that? Rushing to check on me, asking me how I was and then telling me that you don't care! Do you understand how fucking contradicting you are?!"

Allen was speechless, completely surprised by Kanda's sudden outburst. He didn't even blink, until the older boy stopped ranting. Thinking now and hearing what samurai said, he realized that he was right. About looking at him, Allen wasn't even aware. Maybe he really did stare at him like that, but he couldn't help it. He tried hard not to do it, he tried to silence everything he was feeling, but he couldn't. It's not like he wished for it, it just happened. To him it seemed like all those feelings appeared out of the blue. He wasn't prepared for it. And his actions and words didn't match, he gets that now.

 **'Maybe I really am an airhead.'**

"Say something, stupid Moyashi!", Kanda shook him, getting his attention.

"I think you should stop swearing so much."

It was Kanda's turn to be surprised. He couldn't believe what he was hearing.

 **'Did he even listened to me?'**

"I'm sorry.", Allen spoke again. "Now that you've calmed down a little bit, I can tell you that you're right. I apologize for my actions. I didn't realize how all of it might look to you. I will pay more attention."

"You still didn't answer my question."

"Even if I told you it wouldn't change anything, right?"

"How can you know that?"

"I just know. You are to stubborn. Whatever I say, you will just brush it off saying that I'm an idiot, you will click you tongue and walk away."

"I won't, I will listen."

 **'Why are you so persistent? Why can't you just let it go? Why do you want to know, what does it mean to you?'**

"I think I like someone. Based on what I've read and heard of, I think that's what it is, but I'm not sure.", Allen said, feeling extremely emmbarrased. He couldn't believe what he was saying.

Kanda stared at him in shock.

"You like someone?", Kanda barely managed to ask.

 **'Why do I even care who he likes?'**

"Yes. Now get out, I want to take a shower.", Allen started wiggling, trying to get out of samurai's grip.

"Who is it? Who is it that you like?", Kanda still asking, expecting to hear that it is either Lavi or Lenalee.

Allen's face reddened, both from emmbarrasment and annoyance.

"You!", he screamed at him, startling the older boy, pushing him harshly out of the shower cabin. It all happened so fast, that Kanda didn't even have enough time to process information, not to prepare himself for attack that Allen launched at him. He fell hard, on the floor cursing himself for being distracted. The samurai got up off the floor, rubbing his back. Then, the words that Allen had spoken registered in his head.

 **'This is not happening. This can't be happening.'**

"You better be joking, Moyashi!", he yelled.

"Yes, I'm joking, Bakanda! Stop bothering me already!", Allen yelled back from the other side of the door.

"Tch, this was a waste of time.", Kanda angrily walked out of the bathroom slamming the door.

 **'Of course, he was joking. He couldn't be serious. And what got over me? This whole situation is so stupid and annoying! That's it! I'm erasing all of this out of my mind, forever! What's enough, it's enough!'**

In the shower, Allen turned on the faucet, letting the warm water hit his skin. He cringed when he heard the door slamming.

 **'This is for the best. It should be this way. Kanda could never like me back, he just wasn't that kind of person. It was pointless holding onto this feelings that could never be returned. It doesn't matter. I will stop caring for him. From this moment, I will erase everything I feel for him. I'm done with this. I don't care anymore. Then, why does it hurt so much?'**

He could feel the tears gathering in his eyes.

 **'Why does it have to be painful? I don't care. Why am I crying?'**

"It's a joke.", he whispered to himself. "If only it was really a joke."

 **'Get a hold of yourself!'**

Allen stopped his crying, rubbing his eyes. There' no use. He turned off the faucet, drying himself off with a towel, before stepping out of the shower and putting his clothes on. Going to the sink, he started brushing his teeth. He lifted his head and looked in the mirror, noticing that his scar has spread a little bit and was redder than it actually is. The white head touched it with his fingers and it seemed fine. It wasn't painful or anything out of the ordinary.

 **'I'm just being paranoid. Maybe I imagined that it looks different.'**

Allen kept brushing his teeth, brushing it off. As he was washing his toothbrush after he was done, he felt his cursed arm pulsing.

 **'This is weird. What is happening? I'm not imagining this.'**

Suddenly, there was a strike of sharp pain in his head. He grabbed his head with both of his hands, falling down on his knees. Pain was intensifying by the seconds, it was unbearable. Allen let out heart breaking scream.

 **'I can't let him out now. I can't let him win.'**

A Noah in him was trying to take over his mind and body.

 **'I can't let it happen! I won't let it happen!'** , he repeated to himself.

He covered his mouth with his hands, trying to silence his screaming.

 **'Go away! I won't let you take over me!'**

Lavi, who was near the bathroom, barged inside, when he heard the screaming, immediately recognizing who it belongs to.

"Allen!", he called out to his friend panicked, but the white head didn't seem to register his words. He kept rocking back and forth.

Lavi knelt down next to the trembling form of his comrade.

"Allen!", he tried again. This time, the young exorcist lifted his head and looked at Lavi.

 **'Oh, no.'**

"Allen, you must fight it! You can't let it win!"

"Get out.", Allen whispered.

"I won't leave you, Allen. I can't leave you when you're like this. If you let Noah take control of you, you will be killed!"

Allen started to laugh. What frightened Lavi was how dark and evil his friend's voice sounded.

"Then kill me, Lavi.", the white head was looking at him seriously. He was still shaking and Lavi could see the tears gathering in his eyes.

"I don't want to. You can't ask something like that of me! The hell, Allen, fight it!", he screamed, furious that Allen was ready to give up. He is not someone who gives up easily.

"What about your promise to Mana? I will always be moving forward. Will you break your promise?!"

"Move, stupid rabbit."

Dark voice said from behind him. Lavi turned around to see the samurai, pointing Mugen at him.

"I said, move.", Kanda repeated. "If he wants to die, I will make his wish come true."

"You can't be serious! I'm not going to let you kill him.", Lavi shouted at him.

"I didn't ask for your permission. Now move, or I'll kill you to."

"Do as he says, Lavi.", Allen ordered his friend, voice harsh.

Allen's words stung him so badly. He couldn't hold back his tears, but he moved. If that's what his comrade wants, if death will bring him peace and wash away all the pain, then he couldn't stop him. At least his suffering will be over. But damn he'll miss him.

As Lavi moved, Kanda walked passed him towards the white head, Mugen ready to end the younger boys life. Samurai was now standing right in front of him. Allen looked up at him and smiled, tears streaming down his face.

 **'Well, at least I'll die by his hand.'**

"Thank you, Kanda."

But Kanda didn't say anything, he just glared at him. Allen recognized the anger in his comrade's cobalt eyes. There was also something else, but the white head didn't care. It'll all be over soon. He failed. He broke his promise to Mana, he gave up even though he promised he'll never give up **.**

"Innocence, activate.", he heard Kanda say.

 **'Why did I give up, why can't I fight it anymore, why did the Noah had to become so strong? I guess it's too late now to be asking myself this. What's done, it's done. Just hurry up, Kanda and finish this.'**

Kanda lifted his sword, swaying it towards the Allen.

* * *

 **End note: Sorry for the cliff hanger, I couldn't help it. I'm already writing the third one and I'll do what I can to finish it as soon as possible. Thank you so much for readying, I hope you enjoyed it! :D  
**


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's note: Hey, guys! Sorry for the long wait. I promised I would finish the chapter as soon as possible, but I had some trouble with it and I wasn't really happy with it. It's all done now. :) I'm not one hundred percent happy with it, but considering how I wrote it before it's better this way. I hope it's not confusing and rushed, I tried not to rush it. I'm writing another Yullen fanfiction and I'm finishing the one's I started so I got confused a bit and had to take a small break, just to make sure I didn't mix the two fanfictions. I don't know what else to say, apart from that I'm already writing the next chapter and I'm looking forward to writing more, also to finishing the other one and share that one with you as well. :)**

 **As always, apologies for any grammar or spelling mistakes and if the characters are a bit OOC.**

 **Warning: This is yaoi, which means boyxboy! If you don't like it, please, don't read it!**

 **Dislaimer: I don't own -man, nor any of the characters, they belong to Katsura Hoshino.**

 **'Inner thoughts'**

 **I hope that you will like it and that you'll enjoy reading! :D**

 **Love, Shiori**

* * *

Kanda lifted his sword, swaying it towards the Allen.

Allen waited for the blow, that will end his life, to come. But it never came. He was confused. Why isn't he dead yet? What the hell is Kanda waiting for? He looked up at Kanda, seeing that his sword was just an inch away from his head.

"What the hell are you doing?! Kill me already!", Allen shouted at him. The pain returned once again and throbbing in his head. Kanda saw how the white head's expression and eyes change in front of his eyes. This in front of him wasn't Allen. It was Noah.

Kanda swayed his sword again. He hit Allen in the head really hard, with a sword handle. The boy fell onto the floor, blood spilling from his injury.

"Kanda..", Lavi started.

"Shut up! Shut the fuck up!", he cut Lavi off before he could say anything else.

With shaky hands, Allen managed to get back into sitting position.

"I thought you were going to kill me, Kanda. What's.."

He wasn't able to finish his sentence, when Kanda struck him again.

"Get up.", the samurai ordered. "I said, get up, you stupid Moyahsi!"

Whenever Allen would manage to sit up, Kanda would knock him down. That lasted for a while, before the white head didn't have anymore energy to move. His head was aching terribly, his whole body was in pain and his mind was in a mess to say the least.

Seeing that the younger exorcist won't be getting up again, Kanda knelt beside him. Grabbing a hold of white hair, he pulled Allen up.

"Do you still want to die?", Kanda asked him.

"I thought I made that clear at the beginning."

"How dare you give up so easily!", samurai's voice was filled with anger. "How dare you break your promise! How much beating I need to give you, before you come to your senses!"

Allen's eyes widened upon hearing Kanda say that.

 **'So Kanda never really intended to kill me? Why? Is that connected to what he said earlier?'**

"Kanda, what are you saying?"

"I'm saying that you are selfish, lying, stupid little brat, Moyashi!"

"Can I ask you something?"

"If it's something stupid, then no."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why did you hesitate? I thought you hated me. Wouldn't it make you happy if I disappeared? Why do you care if I die and break my promise? Why does it have to do with you?", Allen asked.

Kanda just blinked at first.

"That's more then one question.", samurai stated.

"I never said I was going to ask you only one question."

Kanda sighed.

"I see that you're back to your senses, my job is done.", he got up off the floor.

"You aren't going to answer my questions, right?", Allen asked, not looking at the older boy.

"Come on, let's go to the infirmary. You need to get your wounds treated.", he offered his hand to help the white head stand up. Debating weather to accept it or not.

"Oi, Moyashi, I don't have the whole night. Get your ass up and let's go."

Allen accepted the offered hand and stood up. Once he was up on his feet, his got dizzy and almost fell, but Kanda caught him. He wrapped his arm around the younger boy's waist to support him, also wrapping the boy's arm around his neck. When they were exiting the bathroom they noticed that Lavi wasn't there anymore.

 **'Where did that stupid rabbit go?'**

Lavi was walking down the hallway towards the library. Bookman was nagging him, because he was slacking off and now he'll have to pull out an allnighter. Red head wanted to stay and help his friends, but was confused with their behavior. Something was going on between the two of them, he just didn't know what. For a minute there he really thought that Kanda was going to kill Allen. It wasn't unusual for him to threat the younger boy or anyone. But stopping, then telling him what he had and beating him up, he wasn't expecting it.

 **'Maybe I should've stayed and help them. But then again, Yuu told me to shut up. I just hope he will help Allen to get to the nurse and his wounds treated, that he won't leave him in the bathroom to bleed to death.'**

The red head stopped in his tracks.

 **'What if that was Yuu's attention from the beginning? Beating him up and then leaving him in pain to bleed to death. How didn't I think about that?!'**

Turning around he ran back to the bathroom, only to find that it is empty. A huge relief washed over him.

 **'Thank God.'**

Lavi closed the door to the bathroom and looked left, catching the sight of the exorcists he was thinking about, far away, at the end of a hallway. Smiling, he shook his head and headed towards the library.

 **'It all ended well.'**

Furrowing his brows, he remembered what caused all of this. It was the first time seeing it in person, though he suspected it. He has read about it in the books and the Bookman himself told him some information considering it. If he tells anyone, he was sure Allen will get it trouble, he might really end up dead. No, not might, he will be dead, or he will turn fully into Noah. Lavi decided to keep quiet about what had just happened.

Kanda and Allen were nearing the infirmary. Samurai was still supporting the white head and they were both quiet mostly. Periodically, Kanda would ask him if he was feeling dizzy and if he could walk, to which Allen would reply that he can.

They were almost there, when younger exorcist tripped and almost fell. If it weren't for samurai's tight grip on him, he definitely would fall.

"Oi, Moyashi, look where you're going."

"Sorry, Kanda. I will look where I'm going."

"Tch."

Allen thought back about the situation from few minutes ago. He almost got defeated by the 14th, he almost broke his promise, he almost died and on top of that he let his friends and comrades see his ugly, disgusting side. The white head almost gave in and gave up, the feeling of helplessness and agony lingered. It was until he heard Kanda's voice. When he heard the older one's voice, something in him snapped, but it was harder to repress Noah, to get back control over his mind, though he did try hard. Seeing the navy haired exorcist standing in front of him, ready to kill him and end his suffering, he himself thought for a moment it wouldn't be bad. He is going to die by the hands of the one he likes. But then, that meant it is going to be over forever, he will never see him again, he will never see any of his friends again and he didn't like that. He had promise to keep, he head goal to get to. Yes, Allen knew that he won't leave much longer, because of his parasitic innocence, but he wanted that time he had left. That's why he fought back the 14th, that why he endured the beating and why he kept getting up.

"Kanda?"

"Hmm?", he looked at the white head, questioningly.

"Thank you for not listening to me, for not killing me.", Allen said, looking him in the eyes.

 **'Did he really think I was going to kill him? He really is stupid.'**

"You're welcome, idiot."

Allen started laughing, which startled Kanda.

 **'Is he losing himself again?'**

With his other hand, he reached for Mugen, pulling it out.

"What are you doing, Kanda?!", he asked after a sword was at his throat.

"Is that really you, Allen, or is it Noah?"

"It's me, Bakanda! Put Mugen away. Please."

Concluding that it is Moyashi, Kanda putting his sword down.

They reached the infirmary and walked in. The minute nurse saw Allen covered in blood and bruises, she ushered him on the bed and started treating his wounds.

"How did you end up like this, Allen Walker?", the nurse asked.

"I was training and it got out of hand a little bit."

The nursed raised her eyebrow, not believing Allen. She turned to look at Kanda, who was standing by the door, with his arms crossed over his chest.

"Are you responsible for this, Kanda?"

"Yes.", he said.

"What is wrong with you?! You really need to work on your temper and anger issue!"

"Whatever, just treat him.", his statement sounded more like an order and made the nurse blink in surprise.

She didn't say anything, but she turned to Allen and went back to treating him. When she was done with stitching, cleaning and bandaging the wounds, the nurse gave him some painkiller and went outside to get some more medical supplies.

Kanda approached the white head's bed and sat at the foot of it, looking at the younger exorcist.

"Kanda..", Allen started.

"Don't ever give up, Moyashi.", Kanda interrupted, averting his gaze from the white head. "You made that promise and keep it. Don't throw your life like that."

"Kanda, why are you telling me this?", he was confused. There was no mockery or anger in the older one's voice, but there was worry.

"Because I don't want you to die yet."

Struck by Kanda's words, he didn't know what to say. He definitely wasn't expecting it.

"I know that both of us will die, before anyone else from the Order, but our time still didn't come. We still have a lot of akuma's to kill and Millenium Earl.", samurai looked at white head once again, seeing that he was smiling and was looking at him softly.

"I didn't know you had this kind and soft side to you, Kanda."

"Shut up, idiot."

Allen laughed. "I won't give up."

"Good. And I don't hate you. You're just annoying most of the time. I don't understand you, too."

The white had seemed confused once again, but relieved to hear that he wasn't hated, though it didn't seem like that to him.

"This are all the answers you'll get. The answers to the rest of the questions I don't know yet. I know that I didn't want you to die, but why I'm not sure. I'm confused.", Kanda was looking at the floor when he said this.

"It's alright. I understand.", Allen said, grateful that the samurai opened up to him a little bit and that he let him see the other side of him. "Thank you for answering."

"If you dare tell anyone, Moyashi, I will kill you, but for real.", the navy head threatened.

"Don't worry, I won't tell anyone. Why would I?", the white head smiled and then yawned.

"I'm leaving.", Kanda got up from the bed and started towards the door.

"It wasn't a joke."

Kanda stopped in his tracks, turning around to look at Allen.

"What?"

"When I said that it was a joke that I like you, when we were in the bathroom, I wasn't joking. I really meant it."

"Idiot, Moyashi, you're half asleep, you don't know what you're talking about.", samurai said, seeing that the younger boy's head was dropping and he barely managed to keep his eyes open.

"I'm not. Don't brush it off. I mean it, Kanda. I like you.", those were the words Allen said, before falling asleep.

Kanda didn't move from his spot.

 **'He really meant it, ha?'**

He slowly walked back towards the bed, where Allen was sound asleep. The white haired exorcist looked happy and content.

 **'You're cruel, Moyashi. Why are you doing this to me? Why are you saying this things to me?'**

Samurai reached his hand, placing it in the white locks.

 **'What am I doing? This isn't like me. I don't do this things, I don't think like this, I don't want this.'**

But it was like Kanda's body had a mind of his own. Before he knew it, he was leaning down and his lips planted a soft kiss on Allen's forehead.

Pulling away, he stole one last glance at a sleeping boy, before exiting the infirmary and going back to his room.

* * *

 **End note: Thank you so much for reading, I hope you liked it! :)  
**


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's note: Hey, guys! Huge, huge, huge apology for not posting anything for so long. Many things have happened and not good one, so I really needed some time away from everyone and everything. I won't bother you with details. Now I'm back to writing, though my skills have gone rusty, so bare with me, until I get back in to shape. I hope you will like this chapter, though nothing really special happens and it is a bit shorter. The good thing is, by the time this is up, I've already started working on the next chapter. I will do my best to not make you wait long for the next one. :)**

 **Huge thank you to everyone who favored, followed and reviewed the story! I really appreciate it and it makes me so happy! Thanks again! :D**

 **As always, apologies for any grammar or spelling mistakes and if the characters are a bit OOC.**

 **Warning: This is yaoi, which means boyxboy. If you don't like it, please, don't read it!**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own -man, nor any of the characters, they belong to katsura Hoshino.**

 **'Inner thoughts'**

 **I hope that you will enjoy reading and that you'll like it! :)**

 **Love, Shiori**

* * *

Allen was discharged from the infirmary the next day. The cuts have stopped bleeding, but he will still have to come back for the nurse to change his bandages and clean the wounds. He told her that he can do it himself, but she told him to come or she won't let him go, so he had no choice but to comply to it.

 **'I can really do it myself, I'm not incapable.'** , he thought, while he was walking to his room.

He went to the cafeteria the minute he was discharged. White head was hungry, but at the same time he was hoping to see Kanda there, at his usual table eating his favorite meal, soba. Allen was surprised when he noticed that Kanda's spot was empty. He was disappointed and sad. Younger exorcist remembered the last night, Kanda had beaten him up, then took him to the nurse to get his wounds treated, then he showed him his kind and caring side that he thought the samurai didn't posses and at the end of it all he confessed his love for him.

 **'Why did I do that? I shouldn't have done that.'**

White head entered his room and sprawled himself on his bed. Tim flew to his master and nestled in his white locks.

"I'm sorry, Tim. I almost lost it, I almost gave up. I won't do it again. I promise you."

Gollem just fluttered his wings happily, understanding what his master had said. Allen smiled, before closing his eyes and drifting off to sleep.

When he woke up, he found out that it was already dark outside.

"I didn't go to the nurse.", revelation brought goose bumps to his skin. "She will kill me!"

He jumped up from his bed, startling Tim and rushed out to the infirmary. As he expected, he was scolded by the nurse for being careless and an airhead. She cleaned his wounds and changed the bandages. Once it was all done, Allen thanked her and promised that he won't forget to come tomorrow. Upon exiting, he went for the dinning hole. He ordered bunch of food as always, again noticing the absence of the one he hoped to see.

 **'He's not here again.'**

"Allen!", his red haired friend was suddenly next to him. "Why are you in such a gloomy mood?"

"I was scolded by the nurse, because I forgot to go and change the bandages."

"Well, that is careless of you."

"That's what she said as well.", Allen sighed defeated.

'I guess I really am careless.'

"Ahhh, I spent the entire last night working with Bookman and he told me that tonight it will be the same. I just want to sleep.", Lavi complained.

"I'm sorry, Lavi. This is all because of me."

"It's not your fault. You didn't ask for that to happen and you couldn't predict that it will happen."

"But still, if I fought it hard enough it wouldn't have come to that."

"Allen, it's alright. We all have our weak moments. I didn't tell anyone about what happened and I won't, so don't worry about that.", Lavi reassured his friend and tapped him on the back, comfortingly.

"But I've let you see my ugly and disgusting side. I never wanted you to see it. I hate that side of me, I hate the fact that that monster will, at one point, erase me. He is growing stronger by the day and he will use every opportunity he has to take over my body and mind.", tears gathered in his eyes and soon they were streaming down his face.

"I don't want him to erase me, Lavi.", he looked at his friend. "I don't want him to win. But sometimes it's just so hard to fight it. I want to fight it, I want to be with all of you for as long as I can, but at the same time, I'm afraid that what happened last night would happen again."

Lavi was speechless at first, he just looked at the white head in silence. He could understand Allen and all his fears and could only imagine what he's going through. Red head only wished that he could help him more and ease the burden he's caring. How can he do that?

"Allen, I don't think you're disgusting. You didn't choose and asked for the 14th memories to be implanted in you. You're doing everything you can and I wish I can help you more with it. Just know that I'm here for you and I got your back no matter what happens. And I'm pretty sure that Lenalee and the rest would think and say the same, if they knew.", Lavi reached for his friend and gave him a tight hug.

Allen returned the hug and started crying harder.

"Uwaaaah, why are you crying?!", Lavi was startled. "That was supposed to comfort you."

"It did. I'm just happy and grateful to have such a friend.", Allen said, wiping away his tears. "Those were happy tears."

"Okay, then."

They ate in silence for a while, when Lavi suddenly stood up.

"I forgot. Komui told me if I see you, to tell you that you should go to his office. I guess he has a mission for you."

"Alright, I will go.", he stood up. Before he left, he turned to the red head.

"Thank you, Lavi.", Allen gave him his signature smile and then walked away.

* * *

Allen knocked on the door to Komui's office. Now that he thinks about it, it would be good for him to go on a mission and get away from here for a little while. He knew that he might encounter the Earl or the Noahs, but he didn't care, he will do his best to kill them all along with his disgusting creations.

"Come in.", he heard Komui say from the other side of the door, so he walked in.

"Lavi told me you wanted to see me.", white head approached him.

"Yes, I have a mission for you.", Komui handed him a file with the details of his mission.

"I am going to Switzerland?"

"Yes. There's a story about a cult, whose leader is the tree, making problems."

"Tree? Their leader is the tree?", Allen was a bit shocked. "That doesn't make any sense."

"Maybe, their God is that tree. Now, some of the members that were caught by the police there said that the tree was sending them visions and that it talked to them through their visions. Everything they did was the order of their God, which is that tree and nature. They prey there every day and once a week they hold a sacred ritual, when they bring the sacrifice to their God."

"And those sacrifices are people that have gone missing and were later found dead?"

"Exactly. I doubt that the tree is doing that, I think that's the innocence inside the tree that's causing everything. You will go there and check it. Kanda will be your partner on the mission. You will be leaving tomorrow at noon."

"I can do this by myself, there's really no need for Kanda to go with me."

"I think that it is better if you go together. This people are dangerous and who knows what else is there, so it's better if there's two of you."

"But...", Allen started, but Komui cut him off.

"Allen, Kanda is going with you. End of story. I just hope that you don't kill each other before you get the innocence. I heard what happened during the training. You should both try and learn to work together, you are comrades after all."

"That was an accident, that during the training."

"I don't care. Just go there, take the innocence and come back in one piece. Both of you.", the way Komui said it, meant that their conversation was over and Allen took that as a sign to leave, which he did.

He didn't know if he should be happy or angry because of this situation. He was happy that he was going to spend that time with Kanda, even though he knew that they will be arguing and bickering at each other, that how it's always been. On the other side, he was angry that Komui thought that he can't take care of this mission himself, he wasn't that weak. Yes, he was reckless most of the time and he would rush into battle without thinking, but he has always managed to accomplish the mission. Even if this one was a little bit more dangerous, because of all those crazy people, he was certain that he would be able to take care of everything himself.

 **'I should go and get some sleep.'**

Allen walked in his room, quickly packed his bag and went to bed.

 **'I haven't seen Kanda all day. Is he avoiding me? Maybe I didn't see him, because I slept through the whole day. I wonder where he is? I wonder what he's doing?'**

* * *

"Welcome back, Kanda.", Komui greeted the samurai, as he entered his office.

"He's your report on the mission and here's the innocence.", was all Kanda said, before turning his back to his superior and walking away.

"You're going on a mission tomorrow."

"What? Where?"

"To Switzerland. Here's the file with all the details. Read it. You and Allen are leaving tomorrow at noon, once you rest a little bit."

"Moyashi is going, too? I don't need him to come with me.", Kanda objected, annoyed.

Komui sigh heavily.

"Why are you two so stubborn and against each other. I don't care about that. You are both going and that's final. Now go and rest.", he gestured with his hand for samurai to leave. "I'm getting headaches from you two."

Kanda stormed out furious. How dare Komui complain about this when he is the one who put partnered them for this mission, even though he is well aware that they can't work together. As he was walking to his room, he stopped in front of Allen's room.

 **'I wonder if he is asleep and if his wounds are fine. What the hell! He asked for it, he shouldn't have lost control like that.'**

Kanda lifted his hand, wanting to knock on the door. This weird feeling that he's been having for a while was getting over him and he found himself wanting to see Allen's face and hear his voice, right there and then. His hand was just an inch away, all he had to do is cross that distance and knock. Then, a familiar face will pop up from the other side of the door.

 **'What am I doing? I shouldn't be doing this.'**

His hand dropped to his side and he walked away.

* * *

Allen was almost asleep when he heard a footsteps. They sounded so familiar and they stopped in front of his door. Young exorcist was expecting to hear the knocking any time, but that never happened. Whoever was on the other side changed their mind and walked away.

 **'Those footsteps... Could it be?'**

White head jumped from his bed, rushing out into the cold hallway.

"Kanda?!", Allen called, expecting to see him.

But there was no one there.

 **'I guess I imagined it. I was thinking about him a lot and I imagined to hear his footsteps. It must've been someone else.'** , Allen thought as he walked back into his room.

* * *

Kanda was half way to his room, when he thought he heard Allen calling his name. He stopped for a moment expecting to hear it again. When that didn't happen, he just shook his head and kept walking.

 **'I just imagined it.'**

* * *

 **End note: Thank you so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed it! :)  
**


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's note: Hey, everyone! Here's the fifth chapter to the story. Honestly, I wasn't sure about posting this one and that's why it took me quite a long time. I started writing it, but then, once I was finished I didn't like it, so I wrote it again and so on. I'm not one hundred percent satisfied with this last version, but if I waited and kept on rewriting it, this story would probably be left unfinished. So, here it is. :) I didn't want to keep you waiting any longer and I wanted to put something out. Hopefully, I won't have as much trouble writing the next one. I'm planning to make it longer than the chapters I normally write, so let me now if you would like me to do so, to put the entire mission in one long chapter? xD**

 **As always, apologies for any grammar and spelling mistakes and if the characters are a bit OOC.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own -man, nor any of the characters, they belong to Katsura Hoshino.**

 **Warning: This is yaoi, which means boyxboy. If you don't like it, please, don't read!**

 **'Inner thoughts'**

 _Dreams, flashbacks_

 **I hope that you will like this chapter and that you'll enjoy reading. :)**

 **Love, Shiori**

* * *

 _Allen and Kanda were walking through the woods in Switzerland, searching for the cult's hideout and innocence. They were wondering around, looking for it for a long time._

 _"Do you think that we'll find them soon, Kanda?", younger exorcist asked, but didn't receive an answer._

 _He turned to the right to look at his partner and was surprised to find that the spot was empty._

 _"Kanda? Kanda!"_

 _White head called the samurai's name over and over again, as loudly as he could, but there still wasn't any reply._

 _ **'Could it be that he was kidnapped? Did they kidnap him? What if they sacrifice him to their so called God?'**_

 _"Kandaaaaaaa!"_

 _He started running through the woods, still hoping to hear the older one's voice. Suddenly, he was out in the open. There, in the meadow, was a huge tree and there were dozens of people wearing weird cloaks surrounding it. It wasn't long before he spotted navy locks among them._

 _Something didn't seem right. Samurai didn't fight, yell, protest in any way, he was oddly still, which was unusual for him. Kanda is not someone who would easily go down in a fight, not to mention that he would never go down or do anything without a fight._

 _"Kanda!", Allen called his name again._

 _Everybody turned around to stare at him, but the one person he hoped to see looking at him didn't._

 _His heart clenched._

 _"Kanda, please! Don't let them take you there! Wake up! Wake up, for god's sake, Bakanda!", he kept on shouting as he approached the crowd._

 _One of the members appeared in front of Allen, stopping him._

 _"Do not interfere. This is a sacred ritual and you shouldn't be here. Go back to where you came from.", that person spoke._

 _"I won't let you sacrifice him. Find someone else and give him back to me."_

 _"Someone else won't do. Our God has specifically requested to bring him. It was just like he told us in our visions, we found them at the same spot and the potion to put him to sleep worked as well. If you don't leave now, we will have to make you leave by force.", threat for evident in the cult member's voice._

 _"You sick people. I won't leave without him!", as he said this, he awakened his innocence. The person who stopped him was dead in the blink of an eye and Allen was charging forward, towards the tree, towards Kanda._

 _ **'Just a little bit more and I'll save you.'**_

 _Allen's eyes went wide, as he watched the tree starting to glow green._

 _ **'No... This can't be happening...'**_

 _White head moved and fought faster. Time was ticking._

 _'This isn't fast enough. I need to be even faster. Why can't I be a lot more faster?!'_

 _His face was painted with horror, as he watched the leader of the cult push Kanda towards the tree and tree absorbing him._

 _"No!", Allen screamed, but it was too late, samurai was gone. Green glow that the tree emanated was gone as well._

 _ **'I lost him... I was late again... I wasn't strong and fast enough again... How do I find him now? What if I don't find him ever again? I don't want this, I hate this...'**_

* * *

Allen woke up with a jolt, coated in sweat, startling his golem.

 **'Again with this nightmare.'**

He ran a hand through his hair and tried to even out his breathing. Tim worriedly flew around his master's head, noticing that he was upset.

"It's alright, Tim. It was just another nightmare.", white head stated, patting the golem.

Suddenly, golden ball bit Allen's finger.

"Auch! What was that for?", young exorcist asked, confused and then remembered.

"I'm sorry I almost knocked you off the bed and for scaring and worrying you. I won't do it again."

'That's right. I won't let this dreams control my life and how I feel. They are just dreams after all. None of that is real.'

Tim, who was fluttering his wings angrily, calmed down, seemingly forgiving his master. Allen smiled and got out of the bed. He put his clothes on, packed the things he'll be needing on the mission and walked out the door.

 **'I wonder if Kanda's already at the dock? I want to see him.'**

His train of thoughts was interrupted by the growling of his stomach.

"I should get something to eat.", he whispered to himself and headed for the kitchen. Upon entering he searched for his mission partner's face, the feeling of disappointment creeping in when he couldn't find it.

"Hello, Allen-kun!", the cook greeted him when he was at the counter.

"Good afternoon, Jerry. I will have...", Allen greeted him back and started ordering his food.

"Alright. Your food will be ready in a bit."

"Okay.", young exorcist stepped aside, waiting for his meal to be prepared.

 **'I hope we finish this mission quickly and without too much trouble.'** , he thought, sighing. Because of the nightmare, he wasn't able to have a good night's sleep and now he didn't feel rested, as he should.

The doors to the dinning hall slammed open. Startled, Allen turned his head towards them only to see an angry face of a samurai. He was glaring intensely at the him.

"Oi, Moyashi! What the fuck are you doing?!"

"I'm waiting for my food, Bakanda! Why are you yelling?"

Kanda walked to the white head, stopping when he was in front of him.

"I've benn waiting at the dock for almost two hours.", samurai hissed.

 **'He's been waiting for two hours, for me? Is he an idiot? Why didn't he just come to my room and woke me up early if he was up and was already in a rush to leave as soon as possible? I don't understand him.'**

"Komui said that we're supposed to leave at noon, I don't see what's the problem. I'm not late.", Allen stated, simply.

"Allen, darling, your food's ready.", Jerry announced, happily.

"Thanks, Jerry!", younger exorcist turned away from Kanda to take his cart with food, which made the samurai even more mad.

"To hell with that!", navy head shouted, surprising Allen. "Just because he said that, it doesn't mean that you have to wait for the last minute. I am the one who's just got back from the mission and have to go again on another one."

A vein popped on Allen's forehead, he was pissed off now as well.

"You idiot! It's your problem and your own choice to get up early, instead of sleeping and resting a bit more. If you crave rest and sleep, you should've slept and rested more! Don't blame me!"

"Did you just call me an idiot, baka Moyashi?", Kanda's voice was dark and threatening. He reached for Mugen when Allen spoke.

"Well, you are an idiot. You shouldn't strain and force yourself too much. I just don't want you to push yourself over the limit and then collapse."

Kanda stopped midway, upon hearing what the white head said.

'He is worried about me?'

Allen, realizing what he had just said, blushed, feeling embarrassed.

"Tch, like that would ever happen, baka Moyashi.", samurai spoke, crossing his arms over his chest. "I will rest when we get this done, so there's no need to worry about me."

"I'm not worried. I just don't want you to get in my way during the mission.", younger exorcist turned his back to Kanda, hiding his flushed face. He hated how the older one could see through him. Was he that obvious? Well, who cares.

"You better don't get in my way. Now go and eat. I want to finish this mission as soon as possible.", samurai said as he turned to leave.

"So do I."

Allen's heart was starting to beat fast and he wasn't even looking at him. Kanda stopped for a moment, turning around, looking at the younger one's back.

"I'll wait for you at the dock.", he announced and then left.

 **'Calm down, Allen. Calm down.'** , he told himself, before going to sit at the table he always sat.

He hated himself for letting this simple sentence that Kanda said made his chest tighten and his heart beat accelerated even more. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't stop it from happening. This feeling was always present, but it would become stronger every time samurai would say something nicer than usual, or when he would look at him with his beautiful cobalt eyes.

 **'I should really start eating, he will shout again if I take too long. I'm starting to get the feeling that this mission won't be over quickly and without trouble as I hoped.'** , with that thought he dug in his meal.

Not even taking time to enjoy it, he practically swallowed everything and dashed out to meat Kanda. Even though he was quick, he could already see a pissed off face of a samurai. _"You took too long to eat, Moyashi.''_ , he could already hear his voice.

 **'Why am I even imagining this? I had to eat. I have a parasitic innocence and I need a lot more food than them, he knows that.'**

After going through all of the possible scenarios and what he could say back, he got to the dock. What he had seen, was definitely not what he expected. Kanda was leaning against the concrete pillar, with a calm expression on his face. When he heard footsteps, he turned his head to the side and looked at the white head.

"You really were quick.", samurai sounded almost surprised.

Allen didn't know what to say, he was taken back by this turn of events.

"Are you going to stand there forever, or we can leave now?", irritated voice of a samurai brought him back from his shock.

"We are leaving, we are leaving.", Allen smiled brightly at the older exorcist.

 **'Now, this is more like him.'**

It was Kanda's turn to be shocked.

 **'What's gotten into him? Who knows what Jerry had put in his food.'**

White head approached him and they both entered the canoe.

"Oi, Moyashi, stop laughing like an idiot. What's so funny?", samurai was ready to punch him in case he continued this stupid behavior.

"Nothing. I'll stop now."

Even though he stopped laughing, Kanda couldn't help, but notice that Allen was still smiling. Turning his back to the younger one, he smiled himself.

* * *

 **End note: Thank you so much for reading, I hope you liked it! :D  
**


	6. Chapter 6

Hello, everyone! It's been such a long time since I uploaded on here, but I would like to go back to writing fanfictions. I miss uploading new chapters and new stories, so I'll do my best to get back on track with it. I would really like to continue this story, so I wanted to ask you if you would like me to do it. I mean, I probably will try to finish it, because I don't like to leave my stories unfinished. I have another one that I need to finish, too. I tried to do a poll, but I have no idea how it works on this platform, I just couldn't see the results or anything so I deleted it, which why I'm asking you on here for your opinion. Once I have the next chapter written down, I will delete this, just to not make it distracting having this chapter here that isn't actually a chapter. Also, I'm currently sick and there is a possibility that I might have to stay at the hospital. Because of my health issues, I'm not working anymore, so I have time to spend on writing. I am planning to upload on here at least once a month, I'll try to post once a week, but because I don't know if I'll stay at the hospital or not, I don't want to promise anything that I can't keep. I want to thank you all for still reading my stories, for favoring them, for following them, for favoring me as an author on here and following me, for leaving reviews even though I wasn't uploading any new content. Thank you, thank you, thank you so, so, so much! :) It makes my day when I see that, it makes me feel so happy and motivated to keep working on the ones that aren't finished and also on new ones. I just wanted to let you know that I really appreciate it and it means a lot to me. :)

Hopefully, this will all work out somehow. Thanks for your support again, I'll stop rumbling now.

Love, Shiori


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's note: Hello, everyone! I'm finally back to writing. Here's the next chapter, I managed to finish it sooner than I expected. I took a few month's break from working on this story, so it's probably a little bit off, maybe even rushed, I don't know. It's difficult to go back to it, but I'll try my best. It doesn't help that I forgot where exactly I was going with this, but I know now. If this chapter is a little bit weird or anything similar, please bare with me until I get back on track. As I've mentioned in the update, I will be uploading once a month for sure if I don't manage to upload new chapter every week. Good thing is that I've already mapped out next one, so I can slowly start working on it.**

 **Also, THANK YOU so much for your feedback and support! I think I can't thank you enough. I can't even describe how happy I was when I saw that your reviews. :)**

 **Warning: This is yaoi, which means boyxboy. If you don't like it, please, don't read it!**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own -man, nor any of the characters, they belong to Katsura Hoshino.**

 **As always, I apologize for any grammar or spelling mistakes, or if the characters are a bit OOC.**

 **'Inner thoughts'**

 _Dreams, flashbacks_

 **I hope that you will enjoy reading and that you'll like it!**

 **Love, Shiori :)**

* * *

They got on the train, which will take them to their destination in Switzerland. They didn't talk to each other throughout their journey, except for the occasional bickering. The two exorcists spotted an empty seats at the back of the train and went to sit there. Allen was looking through the window, admiring the landscapes they were passing by. He couldn't help, but smile. Seeing such beauty made him happy and calm.

 **'It looks so wonderful.'** , he thought.

He tried his best to not think about anything, especially not the dreams that were bothering him. All he wanted to do is just look at the nature and relax.

Kanda was watching him the whole time, secretly, trying hard not to get caught. Ever since the incident in the bathroom and their interaction later, he would catch himself thinking about the younger exorcist. When he would look at him and notice the subtle changes in his face, he would wonder what he was thinking about, is the Noah trying to take over again, is it hard for him. Whenever those thoughts start swirling in his mind and he realizes what he's doing, he would brush it off and repeat to himself that he's going crazy. This time was the same. He would avert his gaze somewhere else, but it would always go back to the white head.

Yuu was still looking at his companion, when Allen suddenly looked back at him.

 **'Shit.'**

Even though he was caught, he didn't look away. Allen was surprised to see that Kanda watching him. He didn't know what to think of it.

"What?", Walker asked him.

 **'Why is he staring at me like that?'**

"You look like an idiot.", Kanda said.

Hearing the samurai's answer, he felt offended.

"Oi, Bakanda! What was that?! ", Allen yelled at him.

"I just told you the truth, Moyashi, since you asked."

"Ha?! Do you think you look any better?!"

"Oh, so you admit that you are an idiot?", samurai's voice was calm. Smirk was gracing his face.

 **'He is mocking me! He is freaking mocking me! Stupid, stupid, stupid, Bakanda!'**

Walker's face was all red from embarrassment and anger that he was looked down upon.

"Shut up, Bakanda! Don't talk to me!", Allen decided to ignore the samurai for the rest of their ride and was looking once again outside.

"Tch.", was all Kanda said, before turning his head towards the window.

"It is a beautiful scenery."

Yuu had said it so quietly, that Allen first thought that he misheard it. Noticing the hint of smile on his companion's face, he was sure he heard it right. He didn't say anything, just nodded his head in agreement. Embarrassment he felt and anger have disappeared, he wasn't even that offended to begin with. He just pretended, so that they would have some sort of interaction, even if that meant that they will be arguing. He didn't like arguing with him, but that was better than not communicating at all.

Silence engulfed them once again. None of them found it uncomfortable. On the contrary, it was pleasant.

Kanda's mind wandered back to the past events. He could still see very vividly Allen on the bathroom floor begging for death. He remembered how he felt at that moment and he could feel it again. It was a mixture of fear, of anger, of sadness, of annoyance, all at the same time. Why was he feeling all of that? Yuu was really considering killing Moyashi right then and there. It was his fault he was in a complete mess, he did something to him and if he dies, maybe all of that will disappear. When he actually imagined his life with Allen gone, a huge wave of sadness washed over him. Samurai was so used to white head being there that it was difficult to erase him from the picture and when he managed to do that, it just didn't feel right.

 **'Why?'** , he was wondering. **'Is this what people call love? Is this how it feels? It's horrible. Why would anyone want to feel this way? Are everyone else crazy for wanting this? Am I crazy, because I don't want it?'**

He was getting really annoyed because of all this. It would be perfect if everything that he was feeling would just go away and never come back. How can he make them go away? There must be some way, he refused to be chained and controlled by them. Not everything that he was feeling was bad. Kanda remember when Allen looked at him and gave him a huge smile during their last mission. They did end up arguing afterwards, but at that moment he got this very fussy, warm feeling spreading through his body. He couldn't remember when was the last time he felt that way and he hated to admit it, he liked it.

 **'What the hell am I thinking? What do I want? Should I just accept everything and go with it? I don't have to act upon it, even if I accept it, I don't have to show it. What should I do? What are you doing to me, Moyashi?'**

Allen's mind drifted of to the first time they've met, when he had just arrived to the Black Order. Kanda was the first person he saw. He attacked him mercilessly and tried to kill him. Walker remembered how frightened he felt at that moment and how angry he was when Kanda insulted the finders. It was like a movie playing in his mind from that very first day. He couldn't help but smile. They've all been through so much, good and bad.

 _Blood. Everything is covered in blood. Lifeless body in his arms. Empty eyes staring somewhere in the distance. People in wearing white cloaks are surrounding them. "Run, Moyashi."_

His fond thoughts where abruptly interrupted by the pictures from his nightmares. Fear that he started feeling was so overwhelming. Allen started to sweat, his heart was beating so fast that he thought he would suffocate.

 **'Calm down. Those are just dreams. None of that is real, none of that will happen. I won't let it.'**

"Kanda?"

Hearing his partners voice, he looked at him.

"What is it, Moyashi?"

"Can you do me a favor?"

Kanda raised his eyebrow and the look of suspicion present on his face. He waited for the white head to ask his question. Allen took his silence as a sign that he can keep talking.

"Can you promise me that you will be very, very careful during this mission, that you will do everything you can to not let anything happen to you and that you will let me to help you?"

Samurai stared at him terrified. He couldn't believe what he was hearing.

 **'Did Moyashi finally lost it?'**

"Oi, Moyashi. This is the most stupid request I have ever heard. I am always cautious and careful. There's no way anything will happen to me, because I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself. I don't need your help.", Kanda laughed scornfully.

He felt extremely offended finding out that Walker thought so lowly of him.

Allen started shaking with rage.

"Stop laughing, Kanda! I'm serious!", he raised his voice. "I know you are one of the best exorcists, but I would still like to promise me."

Yuu was very confused. He could see fear, worry, gentleness, anticipation; all of it mixed in his partner's eyes.

 **'What brought all of this? Is it because Moyashi has feelings for me, did something happen to him which caused such behavior? What is happening in his head?'** , Kanda thought.

"Why do you want me to promise you such thing?", he asked the younger exorcist.

"I can't tell you the reason. Just promise me that you'll do what I ask.", Allen answered.

"You can't tell me the reason? Why? Then, why should I promise anything. If you don't tell me, I won't do it."

Allen saw that Kanda was serious and that he won't get what he asked for, unless he tells him the reason, but he still couldn't. He looked at the floor, feeling ashamed.

"I can't tell you, because you'll laugh at me.", he explained. Walker could already hear his partner's mocking laughter in his head. He didn't want to hear it for real.

This did it for Yuu. He was fuming for anger.

 **'What the hell is all this?! Are you a fucking kid?!'**

Kanda stared at him, letting all his anger and annoyance show, waiting for his idiot partner to speak. When Allen looked up again and saw Kanda, he knew what he had to do. This wasn't time to play. In order to get what he wanted, he had to speak and so he begun. He started telling the samurai about the dreams he repeatedly had and what happened in them.

All the while he was talking, Yuu listened to him very carefully, absorbing and memorizing everything the white head said. He had serious expression on his face, he didn't interrupt him even once or shown any signs that he found it funny. When Allen finished his story, he sat down quietly waiting for Kanda to say something or start laughing. But that didn't happen.

 **'What are you thinking, Kanda?'**

"So? Will you promise me?", Allen asked again. "I'm afraid, Kanda. I'm so afraid that the dreams will come true, that they are actually visions. I'm afraid I'll lose you. If you promise me, it will calm me down just a little bit."

 **'What is this? What is happening to me?'** , Kanda thought.

He was getting this strange tangling feeling in his stomach. Inside his chest felt suffocating. His heart beat excelerated. Samurai didn't even know that he possesed this emotions.

 **'I'll accept them. I'll accept all of this. I can deal with them, I'll find a way to control it.'  
**

Slowly, Yuu got up from his seat opposite Allen and approached him. For a few moments they stayed like that, not saying a word, just looking into each other's eyes. Kanda bent down and embraced him.

Allen was still as a rock, surprised by this unexpected action from his partner. He felt dizzy. His face was all red. It didn't take him long to come to his senses. White head wrapped his arms around the samurai and hugged him tightly. Walker knew that this was very rare and special moment. Moment that might never happen again. He wanted to carve it into his memory and never forget it.

"I promise.", Kanda whispered into his ear. "Now that you know this, Moyashi, forget about those stupid dreams and don't worry anymore. Can you promise me that in return?"

Walker was on a verge of tears. He was so happy that he thought he's going to die. He shut his eyes close, stopping the tears from spilling.

"Thank you, Kanda. I promise.", Allen said and smiled.

They held each other for a little while longer. When they parted, white head was surprised once again. In samurai's eyes he saw something that he thought he'd never see. Noticing the way Allen was looking at him, he gave him a soft smile. Blush krept up on his face, but white head returned the smile.

 **'Is this really happening? Is this real?'** , he thought.

Just as he thought that the caring and gentle Kanda was gone. He frowned and gave him a death glare.

"If you tell anyone about this, I'll kill you. I'll make sure your death is slow and painful. Do you understand, Moyashi?", his voice was threatening.

 **'Is this the same person from few seconds ago? Ahhhh.'**

"I understand, Bakanda. I won't tell anyone."

"Hm.", was all samurai said, before going back to his seat.

"Kanda?", Walker called to his partner again.

"What do you want now, Moyashi?"

"Can I sit next to you?"

"Ha?! No, fucking way! You really have a death wish?!"

Allen started laughing.

 **'Good. He's back to his usual self. I like it better this way.'**

"I get it, I get it. Bakanda.", he put more emphasis on the last word.

"If you call me that one more time", Kanda put a hand on his sword, "you're dead."

 **'Stupid, Moyashi.'**

* * *

 **End note: Thank you so much for reading, I hope you liked it! :)  
**


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's note: Hello, everyone! I'm so sorry for not uploading anything in such a long time. But I'm finally back and I hope I will keep up with my writing schedule this time and that it won't take me this long to put something up. I feel so bad for prolonging to finish this chapter. I'm sorry for making you wait this long. :(**

 **Apologies if there are grammar or spelling mistakes, also if the characters are OOC.**

 **Warning: This is yaoi, which means boyxboy. If you don't like it, please, don't read!**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, they belong to their respective owner, Katsura Hoshino.**

 **I hope that you'll enjoy reading and that you'll like it.**

 **Love, Shiori**

* * *

They sat in silence through the rest of their journey. It was a comfortable silence and both of them enjoyed it. From time to time, Kanda would steal glances at the sleeping Allen. He admired the younger exorcist's unusual beauty. Whitehead looked peaceful at first. Suddenly his expression changed to the one filled with pain and sweat started running down the sides of his cheeks. Samurai was debating with himself should he wake him up or not. Since they're nearly there he decided shake his partner awake.

''Moyashi. Wake up.'', he shook him gently.

Seeing that it is not going to work, he took Allen by the shoulders and started to shake him violently.

''Wake the hell up, stupid Moyashi! We're here!''

That did the job. Allen was now wide awake and was up from his seat.

''We arrived? Already?''

''What do you mean already? This was a really long journey.''

''It didn't seem like that to me.''

Kanda stared at him with death glare. Allen didn't even flinch. Just smiled.

''Tch. Come on.'', samurai said and they got of the train.

They slowly walked towards their destination. Everything seemed fine at first glance. None of them felt the any sort of threat. Kanda, being the more experienced one, knew he shouldn't relax. Akuma's could attack any time.

''Have you ever been to Switzerland before, Kanda?''

''Yes, why?''

''I've never been here, but I've heard it's so beautiful here. Especially in the Alps.'', Allen spoke, with a smile on his face.

''Well, you're here now.''

''But it's different. I'm here on a mission. I can't relax and enjoy in all the beauty that surrounds me.''

''That's right, Moyashi. We're here on a mission and don't relax.'', samurai ordered, looking the younger exorcist straight in the eyes, with serious expression on his face.

Whitehead pouted and furrowed his brows.

''You're such a stuck up person, Bakanda!''

A vein popped on samurai's temple. Allen was really getting on his nerves now. He just wants to finish this mission as soon as possible. Then, maybe they could really enjoy the beauty that this country has to offer.

 **'No! What the hell am I thinking. Concentrate. Concentrate on the mission.'**

Kanda turned his back to Allen, ignoring the younger one's whining. As they were approaching the mountains and leaving the civilization behind, it became clear that something weird and ominous is going on. The air was different, heavy. There wasn't a single living soul outside. The houses were also gone. When they would come across one, the curtains were pulled on and the flowers on the window sills were withered. Everything looked so sad, lifeless. The trees looked menacing, like they could attack you any time.

Even though he promised to Kanda, Allen just couldn't shake of the fear that kept creeping up on him. He was constantly looking around, searching for the slightest sign of danger. As they were getting further away, lonely houses were completely gone and in front of them was just forest. Huge, thick, dark forest. Whitehead's heart was beating like crazy. He walked behind the samurai, listening closely in case someone tries to sneak up on them. He was so focused on everything around them and it was pushing him over the edge of sanity.

Suddenly, a hand grabbed his.

His heart skipped a beat and he was ready to defend himself.

 **'It's Kanda. It's just Kanda. I need to calm down.'**

Samurai was facing him.

''Stay close to me, Moyashi. You need to walk right next to me. They're close. I can feel they are close.''

''You can feel that, too?'', Allen asked him.

Kanda let out annoyed sigh and pulled him forward.

They walked for another ten minutes when they started to hear a strange chanting.

''What the hell is this? What language is this?'', Allen asked.

''How, the hell, should I know. Shhhhh!''

They moved, staying in the shadows of the trees. When they reached the meadow, they hid behind the bushes, almost not breathing and watched the scene in front of them. About fifty people, dressed in the white cloaks with hoods over their heads were standing in the circle and saying mantras.

''Kanda, do you think they've found their victim, that they are going to sacrifice her now?'', Allen asked.

Samurai furrowed his brows.

''I don't know. I can't see that well from here.''

The people in white moved and a figure in green, with gray mask over his face, appeared from the crowd. He was walking towards a huge tree that stood in the middle of the meadow. Behind him, to more figures, wearing yellow cloaks with mask the same as their leader's, showed up carrying the small girl all covered with blood. Seeing that, Allen went completely mad.

 **'She is innocent, small. She didn't deserve this. What will her parents do?'**

All of this and more similar thoughts were running through his head. He started to shake with anger, his parasite arm was pulsing. He was more than ready to fight them. Kanda was watching him the whole time and he knew what he was about to do. Samurai grabbed him by his coat and pulled him down.

''Stop it, Moyashi. You won't do anything good by reacting impulsively.''

Allen looked at him with utter shock.

''We have to do something, Kanda. How can you just stay here and watch them kill her?'', the whitehead asked, wishing that Yuu could be a little bit more sensitive.

Yuu pulled him by his coat harder until he fell on the ground next to him. He pulled Mugen and placed the blade under the younger one's chin.

''She's already dead, Moyashi.'', he said. ''They already killed her. Whatever you do now won't bring her back, it won't help.''

Kanda's voice was like ice and it cut deep into Allen's heart. Walker knew that his partner was right. He had a point, but that still didn't change the fact that he hated seeing innocent people getting hurt. Especially if he could do something to stop it or help them. But now, for this little girl was too late. He could do nothing.

The people in white heard them. They were all facing the bushes the two exorcists were hiding in. Kanda and Allen waited cautiously to see if they'll attack, if they'll approach them. They didn't. Their leader ordered them to continue with the ritual. The green figure moved to the side, letting the one's in yellow to come closer to the tree. They started to chant new matra. The green light started emanating from the tree. Figures in yellow handed the little girl, chanting louder and louder, until the tree absorbed her completely. When that happened, everyone went quiet and bowed deeply to the tree.

Kanda put his sword back in it's covers and turned to Allen.

''Come on, Moyashi. Let's go.''

''Kanda?'', the younger exorcist asked, seeing confused.

''Ritual is over. The next one's in a week. Until than we will prepare ourselves and we will eliminate them.'', Yuu explained.

Walker nodded his head. He got up of the ground and both of them walked away.

They found an Inn where they are supposed to stay until their mission is over. Allen was still shaken up because of the scene he just witnessed.

 **'I'm going to have nightmares about this, too. I'm sure I will.'**

Kanda, on the other hand didn't seem shaken up in the slightest. And he wasn't, he had seen worse things. This kinds of scenes didn't affect him almost at all anymore. What did affect him, was that his partner was too shaken up. He noticed that Walker was trying really hard to hide it and suppress it. The thing that Walker didn't know was that he was like an open book.

 **'He is so easy to read. Stop keeping everything inside. Talk to me.'**

Yuu didn't say anything. He decided to let Allen think that he didn't notice anything.

 **'What could I even say to him?'**

When they entered their room, they took of their coats and went to bed.

''Goodnight, Kanda.'', Allen said.

''Goodnight, Moyashi.'', Yuu replied and turned his back to Walker.

 **'Why are you always turning your back to me? Why won't you stay facing me, Kanda?'**

With those thoughts, Allen closed his eyes.

Kanda waited until Walker's breathing evened out. Sure that he was asleep, Yuu got up from his bed. He put his coat back on and walked to Allen's bed. He knelt beside it. Whitehead had a calm expression on his face.

 **'He looks peaceful. That's good.'**

Samurai reached for the sleeping exorcist and buried his fingers in younger one's hair.

 **'It's so soft.'**

He kept running his fingers through his hair for what it seemed like hours. Slowly his hand wandered towards Allen's scar. As he touched it, Walker winced.

 **'Does it hurt? He's beautiful. Even his scar is beautiful. What the fuck?!'**

Realizing what he was doing, he moved away from the sleeping boy and shook his head.

 **'This isn't right. I shouldn't be doing this, I shoudn't be thinking this. Come to your senses, Yuu. Come to your senses. I need some fresh air.'**

He covered his face with his hands.

 **'What is happening to me?'**

Blocking all of the thoughts that swirled in his mind, he opened the door to their room and walked out.

* * *

 **End note: I apologize again for the loooooooooooong absence. I feel like I can't justify myself, but I have a full time job now and it's been crazy. I discovered the papers where I've written down this chapter and decided it is time to get back into routine of writing, hence why I'm finally putting up this chapter. I feel like it's been forever since I wrote anything. As I'm writing this, I don't know what to write or what to say, like all the words have disappeared. I should probably take that as a sign that I should stop typing and probably go to sleep. Anyhow, I hope that you liked this chapter and you enjoyed it. :)  
**


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's note: Hey, guys! Here's another chapter to the story. I thought I would upload this one, since I already have an idea for the next one and tonight I had time to write. I really missed writing fanfictions and working on the previous chapter and this one only made me realize how much I missed it. I'm planning to make the next chapter a bit fluffy and kinda make them accept what they're feeling, have more cute scene, since it's going to be about the week they have before the next ritual takes place. Do you think it would be too soon for them to do that, is it too quickly and would you like to read that? I'm kind of anxious to get to the part when they actually get together, but I'm aware that I need to keep the pace of the story. I'm trying not to rush it. We'll see how that goes. xD**

 **Apologies for any grammar or spelling mistakes and if the characters are a bit OOC.**

 **Warning: This is yaoi, which means boyxboy. If you don't like it, please, don't read!**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, they belong to their respective owner, Katsura Hoshino.**

 **'Inner thoughts'**

 **I hope that you'll enjoy reading and that you'll like it! :)**

 **Love, Shiori**

* * *

Allen woke up in the middle of the night drenched in sweat. He was having nightmares again. He just wanted them to stop, so that he could have a good night's sleep. Unfortunately, nothing was going in his favor. They were persistently coming back, torturing him.

 **'I wonder what time is it.'** , he thought.

Turning towards the window, he saw there were at least two more hours before dawn. At that moment, his eyes caught the sight of an empty bed on the other side of the room. Panic started to take over him.

 **'Where is he? No. I can't panic. Maybe he just went to the bathroom. He will be back. I mustn't panic, I promised. He will come back.'**

Walker wrapped himself in blanket and turned his back to Kanda's bed.

 **'He will be back.'**

With that thought, he tried to fall asleep again. But he couldn't. The sleep just wasn't coming. Not knowing where Yuu was, was eating him up from the inside. The time was passing and he was still gone. Anxiety sneaked up into his heart and body, making him even more nervous than he already was. He was worried that something might have happened to him. Kanda was gone for a long time now and he couldn't help but think that the people in white had done something to him.

 **'I can't just sit here anymore and do nothing. I have to find him. I need to make sure he's okay.'**

Allen sat up in his bed and was about to dress up, when he heard the sound of familiar footsteps down the hallway. Quickly, he lied back down, turning to face the wall once again and pulled the covers up. Soon after, the door to their room opened up and Kanda walked in. He heard the sound that samurai's sword made when it was placed on the floor and the sound of bed when he sat on it.

''Where have you been?'', Allen asked him.

''Moyashi, you are not sleeping.'', Kanda stated surprised.

Walker turned to face him. He looked fine. He didn't seem to be hurt in any way, which was good. Allen's worry slowly started to turn into an anger.

''Where have you been, Kanda?'', whitehead repeated his question, voice ice cold.

''Outside. I was outside.'', Yuu answered.

''Outside... Why were you outside at this hour?''

''HAAAA!'', samurai was shocked. ''What the hell's going on with you, Moyashi!? Are you my mother? What's up with all of this questions?!'', he was yelling.

''Those are a very normal questions to ask, Bakanda!'', now Allen was yelling too. ''Have you forgotten what you promised me?!''

''Of course I didn't.'', Yuu answered.

''Then why did you do it, Kanda?'', Allen cried.

''Listen, I just went to gather some information and do some research around.'', samurai explained.

''It doesn't matter, Bakanda. It matters that you just up and left in the middle of the night and came back at down, it matters that something could happen to you. Do you have any idea how worried I was?'', Walker kept on talking.

 **'Why wouldn't he understand? This idiot!'**

''I died of worry! Why couldn't you simply tell me what you're planning, why wouldn't you let me help you?''

''Sorry. I didn't think about that.'', Kanda said.

Allen looked sad and hurt. Really hurt. Kanda thought that he could avoid all of this by sneaking out at night and coming back while the younger one's still asleep. He didn't consider the possibility that Walker could wake up, see that he's missing and worry even more, which is exactly what happen. And it made things only worse.

''You didn't think about that.'', Allen repeated the samurai's words, quietly. His voice was just above the whisper.

Kanda started to feel inside of his chest tighten. He messed up. Whenever he tries to be understanding, compassionate, to show that he cares, the complete opposite happens. Instead of protecting that person from the pain, he hurts her even more.

 **'What should I do?'**

Yuu sat on his bed and buried his face in his hands. Walker watched the samurai's reaction. He noticed how his knuckles and fingers were starting to turn white from clenching his head.

 **'What's happening to him? I don't like it. I don't like to see him like this. Not at all.'**

He threw his legs over the side of the bed, ready to get up when he heard his mission partner's voice.

''What should I do?'', Yuu's voice was like a whisper.

He started to shake.

''What should I do? What do you fucking want me to do, Moyashi?!'', he shouted.

Yuu was piercing through him with his beautiful cobalt eyes. The pained expression flooded his face. Confusion, fear, helplessness were radiating from the eyes he loved so much.

 **'What do I even want from Kanda? He's trying. He's trying hard. I know what I really want from him, but it won't ever happen. So what is it? What else could I possibly ask of him, when he's doing his best?'**

Allen got up from his bed and walked to samurai. They didn't take their eyes off of each other the entire time. Walker reached with his arms for the samurai and wrapped his arms around the older exorcist. Whitehead rested his chin on top of Yuu's head and buried his fingers into the navy locks.

''I just want you to be safe.'', Allen whispered. ''I don't want to lose you. Didn't I already tell you that?''

Anger disappeared from Walker's voice. There was only gentleness, worry and something else Kanda couldn't decode. Was it love? It seemed impossible to him. That can't be it. Or could it be?

''You did.'', Yuu answered. ''Don't you think I want the same when it comes to you?''

It was useless denying it. He already tried to not worry about the whitehead, but whenever he thought of the possibility of not having him around anymore or him just being injured, he couldn't bare it. It didn't seem right, it scared him more than anything. Yuu couldn't remember when he started to feel that way. He didn't like it, he willed it away, but the feelings lingered. At this moment, he didn't want to pretend, he didn't want to lie to the younger one. Something was awakening in his heart and as the time went it was getting stronger and stronger. Kanda wasn't ready to embrace it, but he also didn't have the strength to fight it.

Allen knelt down in front of him, loosening his embrace. Their faces were now in the same height and his grey eyes looked straight into the cobalt ones.

''Kanda?''

''I will say this only once, Moyashi. I don't want to lose you, too. I don't want you to get hurt. I care about you. I don't know why, but I do.''

Walker's heart started to beat faster, the strange, tingling feeling in his stomach awakened. The heat rushed up in his face and he was sure he was blushing, but he didn't care. Little did he know that Kanda felt the same. The only difference was that the blush on samurai's face was so faint, almost undetectable. But Allen noticed it. Kanda was finally opening up to him, they are finally getting closer. That knowledge filled him with happiness. He wasn't used to seeing Yuu this vulnerable and he couldn't decide if he liked it or not. This was a whole knew side of the stoic, heartless person, samurai presents himself to be. He wondered if anyone else saw this side of him? Probably.

''Kanda, let's forget about this what happened tonight and not let it happen again. From now on, let's gather the information and do the research together. Please. I don't ever want to feel this way again.''

Kanda's lips curled into a smile.

''Together.''

* * *

 **End note: Thank you so much for reading, I hope you liked it! :)  
**


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